


You Say It Best

by SableUnstable



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 04:42:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5854660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SableUnstable/pseuds/SableUnstable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus has something he desperately wants to tell Sirius, and a camping trip with James and Peter along really isn't the best place to do it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Say It Best

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted from my FF.net account of the same name. I do not own Harry Potter. Enjoy!

The sun was sinking low. The road stretched out in front of them, and Remus sat behind the wheel, one arm crooked to rest on the open window while the other effortlessly guided the old red Rover, the just cooling breeze ruffling sandy-blond curls pleasantly. It'd been a hot day and they'd been driving since seven that morning, a journey that wouldn't have taken nearly as long if _someone_ hadn't insisted on stopping every half hour.

Green eyes flicked across to the passenger. Sirius's mouth was hanging open as he slept, his long limbs scrunched up in the seat, head resting on the window. Every once in a while he would snort and his leg would twitch, like a dog dreaming. Remus smiled as it did just that, anticipation and nerves snaking through his gut. His hand tightened on the wheel as he turned back to the road.

They were nearly there. The little camping ground he and his parents had visited every summer of his childhood was about fifteen minutes away, and going back to it this summer, bringing his three best mates there for the first time, was a double-edged sword. Because Remus had plans. Plans that involved the raven-haired man next to him; plans that involved telling him something that Remus had kept to himself for over a year now.

He didn't know how he was going to do it with Prongs and Wormtail along. But it wasn't like he couldn't not invite them, could he? The four of them had just finished their A-levels, and while Sirius, James and Peter were all staying in London to begin the next stage of their lives, Remus was off to Oxford. Knowing that they were effectively separating and would no longer be in each other's back pockets for the first time in years, Sirius had asked to see the place Remus had always raved about as their last big blow-out before they had to be adults (Remus had snorted at that. Sirius would never be an adult), and Peter and James had enthusiastically supported the idea.

Remus's plans for the summer had flown out the window when he'd seen the eagerness on three faces. And maybe Sirius could tell, because his forehead had scrunched up before comprehension had dawned and guilt had flickered through grey eyes after the sandy-blond had grudgingly agreed.

Those eyes had always had the ability to render Remus speechless.

"I'll make it up to you," Sirius had whispered later as they were curled up on Remus's parents' couch, his nose tucked into Remus's neck. Lips had pressed, a tongue had flicked out, and Remus's disappointment had diminished somewhat. Sirius had sighed and cuddled closer, their body heat one, and the plans had snuck tentatively back through the window.

It'd only taken seeing Sirius laugh and tease Remus's mum while he'd helped set the table an hour later for the plans to gallop back into the schedule. He'd turned, grinned, and winked at his boyfriend before resuming talking to Hope, and the plans had wrapped themselves solidly around Remus's brain, just like they had before Sirius had suggested the camping trip.

He was going to do it. He _was_ going to do it. He was going to tell him.

James and Peter be damned.

A groan sounded from the back of the car, and a check in the rear-view showed Peter stretching his neck and grimacing, pale blue eyes squinted against the setting sun streaming through the windshield. James still snored next to him, head craned back over the low top of the backseat. Remus winced in sympathy. He was going to hurt when he woke up.

"Are we there yet?"

"Nearly," Remus answered, flicking on his indicator. The ticking filled the car's interior and Peter sighed loudly. "Hopefully the sun doesn't go down completely before we do get there. It won't be fun setting up tents in the dark."

"Bugger that," Peter yawned, rubbing his eyes. All three had fallen asleep a couple of hours before, the heat of the day and the repetitive movement of the car lulling them off one by one. Remus was used to travelling, having moved often as a child. Besides, he was driving.

"We should be there in ten. Wake Prongs, would you?"

"Bleeding hell, why is it always me?" Peter grumbled, but he leant over and, taking a deep breath, poked James hard in the side.

James woke with a shout and a swinging fist. Peter ducked just in time.

"Oi! It's Wormtail, you knob!"

"All the more reason to react violently, Wormy," a husky voice groaned, and Remus glanced over to see Sirius stretch in his seat, stiff knees and elbows cracking, then knuckle his eyes and smile at him sleepily. "We there yet, Rem?"

Remus stared. _Yeah,_ he thought as his heart quickened in his chest, kerthunking solidly out of rhythm. He swallowed hard and turned back to the road when Sirius quirked a brow in question, smile widening into a knowing smirk. _Yeah, definitely telling him._

_Tonight._

~0~

"Christ, why did it take us so long to get here?" James ground out as he fought with the tent under the light of the dying sun still poking just over the horizon and a large camping torch. The other side was already in place and Remus was struggling to see the pegs to hit them into the ground. Peter was standing and staring helplessly at the second tent, unfolded but still very much not put together, and Sirius was standing back and watching, holding the torch and grinning at them in amusement.

"It doesn't usually – ouch, fuck! – it doesn't usually take all day," Remus hissed, shaking his hand frantically, thumb throbbing. "We should've been here by midday."

"Midnight more like," James grunted, finally snapping the last pole together. "Yes! Got you, you smarmy bugger! Now with the pegs, Moony?"

"Yeah, but watch your fingers. Hitting them bloody hurts."

"So wouldn't the best idea be _not_ to hit them?"

Sending the casually commenting and now smirking Sirius twin glares, Remus and James set to the tent with renewed vigour, and quarter of an hour and three smashed fingers later, night had completely fallen and the first tent was up. The other was still laid out on the ground, Peter sitting cross-legged beside it drinking a beer. Remus groaned and rubbed the back of his neck before turning to it, only to frown when James trudged over to the car, grabbed his own drink and plonked himself down beside Peter.

"I'm done. Can we make smores now?"

"You're done? What about the other tent?"

James shrugged. "Mine and Pete's is up, so we're set. Smores?"

"You've got to get a fire going for that, right? I can do that!" Sirius exclaimed, the light from the torch bobbing as he hurried to the car. Remus scowled and hurried after him, firmly taking the matches and slipping them in his pocket. Not that he didn't _trust_ Sirius…

Okay. He didn't trust Sirius.

"You don't need to make an actual fire; I brought a portable gas stove," he said, a sigh escaping when his boyfriend hooted in excitement, fished it out and fell to the ground next to James to look it over, Peter peering over their shoulders. "So I'm setting up the other tent on my own, am I?"

"Why bother? The boot's big enough for the air mattress. Come show us how this works, Moony," Sirius answered, fiddling with the dials. Irritation twisting his mouth, Remus grabbed the butane canister.

"Stop that, you'll break it. Put it down. Put it down! All right, the gas goes in here and then you unlock this and turn this… there. Now are you at least going to help me blow up the mattresses?"

James switched the stove off and rolled his eyes. "Remus old boy, relax! The night's still young, isn't it? Didn't you say there was a lake or something around here? Let's go exploring! Wormtail, grab the beer, I'll take the stove. Padfoot, smore ingredients if you will."

"Right you are, Prongs!" Sirius saluted, and the three of them scrambled to their feet, shoving each other and laughing, while Remus stood there with a nerve jumping in his jaw. They moved around him as if he didn't exist, grabbed what they needed, and wandered out into the darkness.

The nodding spotlight paused in its disappearing act a couple of minutes later. "Rem?" Sirius's disembodied voice floated out of the dusk, and then the torch was moving back in his direction. "You are coming aren't you?"

"Soon. I really want to get this set up first," Remus answered, and Sirius frowned, looking a little distressed.

"Look, I'll stay and we can-"

"No, go. I'll set it up quicker without you lot hanging around, getting in my way. I'll be there shortly."

The frown not leaving his face, Sirius hesitated. "You sure?"

"I'm sure," Remus nodded. The frown morphed into a pout.

"Fine. Don't be long," the dark-haired man ordered before turning to lope off after Peter and James. Remus sighed and walked over to the car, opening the door to provide light. He'd just opened the hatchback boot and pulled out the mattresses when the sound of feet scuffling towards him turned his head again.

The spotlight shone on his chest and Sirius kissed him hard, cupping the back of his head and crushing their mouths together. Remus's head was spinning when he pulled back.

"Call out when you come and I'll shine the light. We aren't far away. Be careful, the ground's not even."

His hand ran down the back of Remus's neck and along his arm until he'd reached his hand, which he squeezed gently before letting go. Then the light was fading into the night again, and Remus stood there for some time after it vanished, eyes locked on the dark. Eventually his brows drew down and he shook his head, turning back to the deflated rubber lying at his feet.

He knew he was being grumpy. He did know that. James was right; they were on vacation, they didn't need to have everything run on a schedule and be perfectly organized. But there was a _reason_ for wanting it done, for wanting it all out of the way so that he didn't have to worry about it, and it wasn't only that that's what you _did_ when you went camping – although that was a good enough reason in itself.

It was all a part of telling Sirius, really. Remus grumbled to himself as he pumped the foot pump, the mattress squeaking as it slowly filled with air. He wanted it all out of the way so that he could spend as much time with his boyfriend as possible. He was leaving for Oxford in a month's time and there was still a lot to organize before then, and despite knowing that in the grand scheme of things, however long it took to set up camp wasn't really going to take much time from them, he was still annoyed about the others not cooperating.

Then there were the others. Guilt had Remus's chest twisting as he finished off the first mattress. It wasn't only Sirius he was going to miss. He _knew_ that. The four boys had been joined at the hip since Remus had moved into the neighbourhood when he was ten. He'd met and made friends with Sirius first – he'd moved right next door to him – and then had met Peter and James through Sirius, and the rest was history. He was going to miss the other two lads something rotten, he _was_ , and he did want to spend some time with them too, but Padfoot…

It was all so much more _complicated_ with Sirius Orion Black involved.

Was he being selfish?

Knowing the more than probable answer to that question and not at all liking it, he quickly blew up the second mattress, movements sharp, before throwing it into the tent a little harder than necessary and sliding the other into the boot of the car. It fitted nicely, which annoyed Remus to no end. It was silly, they had a week at the campground and then the three weeks following, but he was _telling_ him that night.

Remus wanted that night; that particular night. It was important.

Throwing the sleeping bags and bedding onto the corresponding mattresses, Remus locked the car and zipped up the tent. The disgruntled feeling lingered as he walked off in the direction James, Sirius and Peter had gone, head down, hands in his pockets. He'd have to make the most of it. And it wasn't really all bad, was it; he was with his three best mates for a last hurrah before he took off on his own. He really needed to pull his head out of his arse and start enjoying himself.

Determined to forget about his bad mood, Remus picked up the pace, picking his way confidently through the trees. Despite the darkness and the uneven terrain, he only made a couple of wrong turns before he came across the other three. Hearing them before seeing them, he walked out onto the shale beach, and Sirius's head turned the instant he stepped out of the trees.

"Moony, there you are! Why didn't you call out? Come, sit!"

He patted the ground next to him, grinning expectantly. The full moon shone over the lake, illuminating it like glass. James was standing at the edge with his back to them, trying to skip stones, and Peter was carefully constructing a smore next to the lit stove, the bottom of his beer pushed securely into the loose pebbles. His tongue was poking out the corner of his mouth.

It was familiar. Comfortable. The entire scene should've made him feel better, the three boys together. Seeing them enjoying themselves should have cheered him up.

Instead, for reasons even he didn't understand, all it did was piss Remus off. Lips pressed together, he walked over and sat down beside Sirius, struggling not to let his black mood show. His boyfriend picked up something sitting next to him and silently handed it to Remus.

The smore was cold and the chocolate had set a little as it'd cooled. But it was plentiful, and the marshmallow was melted perfectly, black on the outside and gooey in the middle – exactly the way he liked it. Remus cleared his suddenly tight throat and ate it carefully, eyes on the moon-lit horizon.

"So what are we doing tomorrow?" Peter asked around a full mouth. James walked over to them and snatched up a beer, chugging it back.

"Whatever the hell we want, Wormy! We're masters of our own universes!"

"Funny, here I thought _Lily_ was the master of your universe," Sirius smirked, arm around Remus, fingers running softly up and down his shoulder. He ducked when James threw his empty can at him.

"Shut it. You can't talk. We're free of spouses at the moment, not including Moony of course." James grinned at him. Remus rolled his eyes. "We can do anything! We've no one to account to, do we?"

He looked like he relished the thought. Remus scowled. "We really need to go get food if you wanna eat tomorrow, Prongs."

"No we don't! We can just catch it, like the rugged mountain men of old!"

"Yes, because _that's_ really going to work," Remus muttered, tone just riding the edge of sneering. James's grin faulted briefly. Sirius sent him a concerned frown.

"'Course it will, Remus! We'll get up early and catch us enough fish to last all week, and won't have to wander into civilisation even once-"

"Christ's sake, James, will you get you head out of the fucking clouds?! We're going into town tomorrow morning and that's final!"

Silence met his snap. James's mouth was open and he looked more than a little surprised. Peter was staring at him with a smore paused halfway between his teeth.

Sirius's eyes were alight with worry. He shuffled closer and dropped a kiss on Remus's shoulder. "What's wrong?" he whispered into Remus's ear. Remus shook his head and pulled back slightly, gaze dropping to the ground.

"Jeez, Padfoot, your bloke's cranky tonight, isn't he?" James joked. Sirius looked over at him to grin and shrug casually.

"Yeah, a bit. But that's all right. I still love him."

Remus's head snapped up. His jaw dropped, skin flushing, and the unexplainable anger that had been sitting just under the surface since they'd arrived exploded in his mind. He was on his feet and striding away from the other three without conscious thought, hands shaking.

It wasn't long before he heard someone running to catch up with him.

"Moony! Moony, wait! _Remus_! Damn it, would you please stop and tell me what the hell's going on? What's the matter?!"

"What's the matter? What the _matter_ , Sirius?" Remus growled, spinning around so suddenly that his boyfriend skidded and almost fell as he rapidly pulled up his stride. "What's the matter is that you said it! _You said it_! I was supposed to say it and _you_ said it!"

Looking thoroughly confused, Sirius scratched his head. "Little lost here, Rem. Said what?"

" _It_ , Sirius! The L word! You said _it_!"

The confusion cleared somewhat before another type of bewilderment took its place. "Oh. Um… so?"

" _So_?!" It sounded like steam coming out of a kettle. The raven-haired man's eyes went wide, and he took a step back when Remus advanced on him, mouth a snarl. "That's all you can say? So?"

Sirius licked his lips and ran an agitated hand through his hair. "Moony, m'sorry, but I've no clue why you're angry!"

"Because I bloody _love_ _you_ , okay?!"

"Yeah, okay, I know that! But why are you so ruddy upset?!"

"For _fuck's_ sake!" Remus blurted, heart racing. He whipped around and tried to hot-foot-it down the shoreline, but Sirius was having none of that. His hands snapped out and he jerked the other man back to face him, pulling him close until there was no space between them, winding his arm around his waist and stooping to lay his head on his shoulder. Remus swallowed and just stood, anger dying rapidly, his arm hanging by his sides. He didn't try to pull away.

Neither spoke. Sirius's breath blew gently across Remus's throat, and it made the sandy-blond's chest hurt. Slowly his arm rose to enclose Sirius, and he physically _felt_ the relief flow from the man embracing him.

"You know?" Remus murmured eventually, cheek lying atop thick, silky hair. The soft sound of water lapping beside them make it seem like they were the only two people in the world. Sirius's arms tightened.

"'Course I know," he said, voice muffled by Remus's jumper. "Just as you know." A thought appeared to occur to him and he stiffened before pulling back, expression worried. "You do know, don't you? You have to."

"You've never said before now," Remus pointed out quietly, blinking when Sirius let out a bark of surprised laughter.

"Yeah I have," he corrected, chuckling and shaking his head. "Maybe not in so many words, but I didn't think we needed that. Needed them. Thought we had that whole actions speak louder shite going on, you know?" He laughed again, a softer sound, and his hand lifted to cup Remus's cheek. "I mean, think about it, Moony! I'm the one who asked you out by offering you a blowjob as a sixteenth birthday present, remember? Why would you think I'd be any better at using words two years later?"

His head tipping just a little, nuzzling into the hand, Remus's eyes closed. A reluctant smile tugged at the corner of his mouth at the memory. Sirius had thrown him into turmoil with his birthday gift offer. He'd known for years that he was gay, and had been out to his friends since he was fourteen. It'd been hard enough to get his head around the fact that he preferred blokes, but then, out of the blue one day, he'd looked at Sirius and… well, saying that realizing he fancied one of his best mates had messed with his head was one hell of an understatement. He'd only really come to terms with it when Sirius had 'given' him his birthday gift.

He'd loved it. And hated it. It'd taken him a long time to decide to accept – he still didn't know _why_ he'd said yes when he thought he'd known even then that it would be nothing more than a casual, no strings attached offer to the boy who flirted with everything on two legs – and the actual act itself had been mind-blowingly fantastic. He'd used it as prime wanking material for ages afterwards. But he'd hated the aftermath, hated the way Sirius had acted and how distant he'd become, and they'd tiptoed around each other for months before James had thrown up his hands in frustration and locked them in his laundry together.

They were in there was two hours. When James had finally unlocked the door, they'd left the room holding hands. Peter had grinned. James had smirked.

Sirius had punched him in the stomach.

His grin fully formed, Remus's eyes opened. Sirius smiled back at him.

"Okay now?" he asked gently, pushing a curl behind Remus's ear. His boyfriend's nod was slow.

"Yeah," he sighed, wrapping his arms around Sirius again and letting the solid warmth of his body ground him. "I'm sorry I was acting like a barmy git. I just… everything's changing. I made a big thing in my head out of telling you, making it a special event. To sort of cement us, I guess. Kind of defeats the purpose when you knew all along."

"We're already cemented, Rem. There's so much cement we're right stuck, aren't we?"

Wide-eyed, Remus pulled back and stared. "Who the bloody hell said you weren't good with words?" he squeaked, and Sirius's laughter rang through the night. The corner of his eyes were crinkling when he took Remus's hand and the two boys started walking back to where they left Peter and James.

James's expression was half curious, half wary. "All right, Moony?" he asked. Remus smiled.

"Yeah, I'm good. Sorry for being a prat."

"That's all right, we're used to it," Peter grinned cheekily, then shouted when Remus and Sirius shared a look and crossed over to him, picking him up by one elbow each. "Hey, what are you doing? Come on fellas, I was only joking! Stop! No! _Stop_!"

_SPLASH!_

"Bloody hell, why'd you go and do that for?" James whined as Peter surfaced, spluttering and coughing. "It's bad enough that I'm to share a tent with him, now he'll be all wet and covered in gross seaweed and shit!"

"This isn't the ocean, Prongs," Remus said dryly as he helped the dripping wet boy out of the water. "Besides, serves you right. You're lucky it isn't you taking a late-night dip."

"That sounds like something to aim for, Moony," Sirius grinned, leaning into him as Remus chuckled, James grumbled around another can, and Peter tried futility to wring out his sweatshirt. "It does, you know. Just the two of us. Fancy a bit of skinny dipping, love?"

The low murmur could've melted stone. Remus looked up to meet smirking, hot grey eyes and his blood pressure skyrocketed. He grabbed Sirius's hand.

"Oi, where're you off to now?" James shouted after them as they took off back in the direction they'd come from.

"You don't want to know!" Sirius shouted back, laughing. "Don't wait up, mate!"

Later, as they lay facing each other under multiple blankets in the boot of Remus's car, legs tangled together and foreheads touching, Remus was pulled from the verge sleep by Sirius's saying his name.

"Remus?"

"Hmmm?" he answered groggily, eyes still closed.

"I love you."

Remus's eyes snapped open. And he smiled.

"I know."


End file.
